The Inbetweeners

A betwixmas message

I’m writing this on the Friday between Christmas and New Year, or Betwixmas as it’s also known. I’ve been catching up on my podcast listening and this was talking about the same sense of ‘offing’ brought about by Betwixmas:

in-betweenness with Sumita Majumdar

I often feel ‘in-between’ - liminal, stuck in the offing, without a way to explain it very well. It’s a gut sense that I’m neither here nor there, neither belong nor not welcome. Just have a sense that things are off-key I have a suspicion those in the ND community get what I mean, and if you are feeling neither here nor there, at Betwixmas, that’s how I feel most of the time.

I think this gives rise, in me at least, to quite a bit of frustration.

To illustrate with a (bad) example. I like music, and I love live music. But I hate it when people clap. I hate it even more when there is that forced bit at the end of a sit-down gig where everyone stands up and sort of dances around. In those moments I feel 'how do they do that' without being able to escape. So I'm neither happily sitting listening nor happily able to join in. I’m stuck. In between.

Sounds like I'm being dramatic, but the combination of the noise and the out-of-timeliness is viscerally uncomfortable. Physical. That and the combination that everyone seems to be fine with makes me feel this weird combination of confused, lost, trapped, misunderstood, and often incredibly on the edge.

What I would say about this is: that a little bit of understanding goes a long way. Mrs P likes a stand and a dance, she gets I don’t so basically ignores me and gets on with it. Zero pressure to join in - almost the reverse, permission not to. This is a pretty good tip in general, I never feel worried or pressured if I slope off (say, at a dinner party) for a few moments (or maybe more than a few moments) to myself. She’ll check in but tends to assume I’m OK, and I tend to assume she’s OK.

Anyway - the offing (which as I read recently, is the hazy bit between the sea and the sky). Here is what I think I want in my life, what we all want.

“The sense of absolute freedom, the sense of no direction but the greatest direction in the work, of being able to feel I’m part of this somehow” Sam Phillips

I suspect that, when it comes down to it, is what we all want.

“Be it records or romantic partners, we fall in love with the ones who make us feel like our best and truest self “ Dr Susan Rogers

"Nothing helps you feel understood like Tay Tay Christmas wrapping” Michael Pattinson

Peace, Love, and Happy New Year, wherever you are.